Life's Update

I'd like to say that I woke up to the sound of rain beating against my window sill. But I didn't,really. I woke up to the sound of the sun baking the grass into submission. The once green (far from velvet) nature carpet that lined my yard is now dead and crunchy. Oh for love of the dog days of summer in Southern Oklahoma.

Lighter notes would explain that I've been contently busy lately. I'm back in my comfortable routine of madness. School by morning, work by afternoon, work #2 by night, all compiling each night with me walking in the door of my apartment, sloughing off my clothes/troubles and falling to the bed so hard you'd think someone ought yell "TIMBER!"

Although it seems to drag forever at times, I can see my life growing closer and closer toward my short term goals. I feel down deep as if I'm on the right path indeed, and it's only a matter of counting the minutes in between myself and Med School. (Black and White for you:) Medical school is my shining Goal that I cherish more than any other. I absolutely thrive on the thought of being in that program. I'm not ready yet, but everyday I'm getting closer.

-Kyle

I don't want anything right now. I just want to write.

I want to think a thought, strike a key, and see my mind unfold on this page. I just want to sit here, and move nothing but my fingers (because thats all the strength I have left today) and listen to In Your Atmosphere. I just want to sit here with the TV on, volume muted, and watch the pictures dance across my living room. I don't want to think about books, or the lack thereof. I don't care about a single class I sat in today (which is usually unlike me). I don't care that there are new faces filling the halls and sidewalks. I cared yesterday. I cared the day before. But today..... I don't care.

Today I love this silence. Today I love the thought that in 2 weeks I'll be seeing my favorite musician live again. (from the 6th row front and center, mind you). I love my blinds drawn, my music playing, and my head clear. Often, peace is sought. (not given).

I am, however, truly thankful.

thankful for this room i sit in.

thankful for the car i drove up in.

thankful my friend kevin is alive after his near death car accident.

even though it was a rough one....there is so much to be loved about today.

another sappy love letter to you

Beneath the thick looking (but actually very thin) outer layer of personality that we all wear on our sleeves, each of us are fighting. Waging wars, and battles within our souls. Beneath the superficial concept of a smile that we all convey, there lay holes. There lay deep, grey, holes.

Good days are awesome. They are fantastic. Those days when you look up at the sun and look around at the people you love, and think, "how could this moment be better." But then there's the night. The night that comes when you sit. You sit and think about all of the events that have taken place in your past, and have molded this reality you sit in...(only for glimpse seconds of time).

This place where I sit. This place where I look. This place where I wonder.... "how far above the stars do I have to gaze before I see love, hiding there in the midst of the cosmos?" I cannot answer this question. I can tell you how to be a good man. I can tell you how to love people. I can tell you how to be respected, well thought-of, and wealthy from the fruits of your hard work......... but I cannot, still, answer the question. Where is love (she) hiding.

I'd like to think...... she isn't hiding at all. She's searching rather. She's sitting somewhere alone, journaling a sappy love letter that she'll someday give to the one she always knew waited for her. She's waking up every day promising herself that she won't blink, so as not to miss the love of her life, that could enter her world any moment.

She's not a beauty queen. He wouldn't want her that way. He wouldn't care. On the outside she looks simple. On the outside she blends in with the rest of the world. But the world has no idea what lies in her heart. The world has no idea that she wishes she lived in New York City, and the 1920's were the best era in American history. The world has no idea, she wants it to rain two thirds of the year, and snow ten feet high in the Winters. The world has no idea. But he does. But I do.

Another sappy love letter to you-

There's something so appealing to me in love that has persisted for a great number of years. Worn love. Aged love. Tarnished, and torn, and repaired love. Love that, despite the world's oppositions..... made it. Love that won. Love that beat the odds. Love that lasted.

-Kyle

Timshel by: Mumford & Sons

Cold is the water
It freezes your already cold mind
Already cold, cold mind
And death is at your doorstep
And it will steal your innocence
But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And you are the mother
The mother of your baby child
The one to whom you gave life
And you have your choices
And these are what make man great
His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this
And you are not alone in this
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand
Hold your hand

And I will tell the night
Whisper, "Lose your sight"
But I can't move the mountains for you

Oh for hope. Oh for love.

Oh for hope of love.

it is melodies like this that I must cling to during these hard days.

May the greatest God in the universe bless your day.

-Kyle

when our Skin was young

Remember the days when our skin was young,

And we could hear the mocking birds sing.

When our minds were new, there was morning dew,

and our fingers had no ring.

It wasn't fair, what life knew then,

he waited to tell us now.

It wasn't fair, what the sky knew then,

all we ever saw were clouds.

We knew that hands would age (not ours)

and we knew that people die.

Such troubled thoughts weren't for our hearts,

so in the field we'd lie.

We'd think of the days when the world would be right,

and there'd be a cease of war.

Perhaps it was this day (that never came)

that made our bones so sore.

So now we sit, waiting for our turn,

to ascend into heav'n above.

we'll do our best to rid our hearts,

of everything but love.

-Kyle

heat of August, breath of September

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” -Ella Wheeler Wilcox

As the four o'clock afternoon sun beats down on my world, through my car windshield, and into my face, I can't help but squint my eyes, as to avoid it's blinding fate. It's was One hundred and five degrees on the streets of this small Southern Oklahoma town today. Even though we'd all like to run away and hide from Summer's toil, we can't. We have job's to do. Meetings to make. And lives to live.

Fall will be here soon. And even the sun will reach for her sweater. We'll breath deep as the leaves begin to fall, and we'll look for a hand to hold close through the Winter months. Our parties 'celebrating our youth' will end. And our responsibilities will thicken. Just as the tree's change, so will we. We'll begin to search for love again.

Just as September takes our hand, and leads us temptuously into Winter's cold heart we'll look up at the blistery night sky.....and thank God we're alive. In just a flash we'll be trembling, and hiding from the cold. Just like we are now, from Summer's hot control.

May life lead you through her seasons with loving hand.

Kyle

on this Monday evening

I am enjoying this night all too much to still consider it a Monday. Finally back at home around 8:30 this morning, I began installing my new door knob that's been waiting for me all weekend. Feeling manly and brawn, I am proud to say it is finally finished!......Though it may look terribly shabby. It's functional. Goal accomplished.

Today was chaos at the clinic. (Orthopedic Clinic, to specify for those new to the blog) It was everything a Monday should be. Full of unexpected hassle. yet unexpected fulfillment.

The day began with our first patient, a man who would watch me remove 32 staples from his leg. his wife was grossed out. He almost PASSED out. and I steamed full throttle ahead. We then applied a fiberglass leg cast, roll by roll, from his upper hip, to the tips of his toes. Quite the chore. Quite the smell (his feet)

This task set us behind significantly on the day's schedule. And my feet were "kept warm" as doc would like to put it. Factually, I am typing this post with no feeling in my left hand because it is still covered with a thin layer of activated fiberglass (which will HOPEFULLY fall off in a couple of days). Long day short, I am happy. I am glad that today happened. I am glad to feel alive, even if that means being fatigued.

Good Love, from the Mid-West,

kyle

Eleanor The Coffee Pot

So my parents enjoy waking up on weekend mornings and "antiquing" as they call it. I call it carousing through other people's junk. Some may call it Garage-Saleing. Regardless, they most recently brought me home this little treasure. She's a 1977 model Percolator Coffee pot. Scored at a relatively low cost of $2.00

She, however (yes she, coffee pot personification here) needs a fitting name. Eleanor perhaps?