January

You can't write your way into love's arms. Only love herself can throw them around you. At her will. Which often coincides with the will of the wind. Who doesnt follow a plan you can understand. You can't buy your way into loves heart. She'll never accept monetary payment. Money means nothing in loves eyes. She'll see through you're silly act every time. She'll know you for who you are.


I want a pot of coffee because it makes my heart glad.

Today has made my heart so glad. The last 24 hours have been fantastic. I really wish I could sum it up with words, but I can't. It's one of those times when all I can really do is sift through quotes that may touch the edge of what I'm feeling.

Jesus is so awesome.
Life will turn out.
Things will reveal themselves.

Love will call.

Kyle

Today was so great.

Today was so great. Words can't really describe it.

My car drove faster. The sun shined brighter. My scrubs fit better.

Today was so great.

Sitting in the quiet of this upstairs apartment, i can't help but be happy about life right now. Today, January 9th, it snowed for the first time of the season. Not much, but enough to force me to put on a pot of coffee mid-afternoon.

I never really wrote a resolution for the new year, and since it IS only January still, i figure the rules say I'm not too late.
In the year past, so many life lessons came my way. I moved off campus, picked up a second job, and sat in on countless Saturday surgeries in the operating room. So many things changed, and so many things became harder in 2010, but I learned so much. I learned in between the pages of books, and i also learned in the streets of this town. Lots about people, and types of people. Reading people, and how to make a patient confortable in the presence of someone the dont know. This year medicine became not just an area of interest, but a job. Three-Four days a week this year, I was into it head first and hands on. There hasn't been a minute of it that I havent loved. And that's been a great confirmation of sorts. That I'm headed into a field I'll enjoy.

in 2011....I would aim to...

1. Love people more
2. Walk, don't drive
3. Create a budget
4. Follow the budget
5. Write more poems
6. Speak more
7. Hesitate less
8. Tolerate more
9. Tolerate less
10. Plan more
11. Be more romantic
12. Be less of a romantic
13. Work on a story
14. 14's a vad number
15. Invest in people who matter
16. Overcome vices
17. Recognize infatuation
18. Appreciate infatuation
19. Overcome infatuation
20. Make a woman smile
21. Make another woman smile
22. Read more
23. Watch less
24. Think before acting
25. Speak before hesitating
26. Drink more coffee
27. Work more
28. Rest more
29. Carry pen and paper always
30. Write "The Rules"
31. Blog more
32. Walk away without looking back
33. Say good-bye less
34. Say good-bye and mean it
35. Expand consciousness
36. Maintain focus
37. Listen to more music
38. Make music more often
39. Make love more often (not sex)
40. Make love more often (sex)
41. Lie less when it matters
42. Lie more when it doesn't
43. Give more people poems
44. Articulate more clearly
45. Stop letting people use words incorrectly
46. Less zealotry
47. More conviction
48. Pay more attention
49. Hunt more whales
40. Less crime
41. More punishment
42. Less self-sabotage
43. More French
44. More staying awake until it I finish
45. More sleeping when it is done
46. More excitement
47. More peace
48. More performing
49. Less acting
50. More of myself: raw, naked, unafraid and unapologetic


List courtesy of Ben Nicols

Leaving home. Ch. 1

It's just after 7:20pm somewhere in New York City, and beneath the shadows of the trees, the snow lays there quietly.


She wondered if this is what growing up was like.
There weren't really any bills. There weren't really any responsibilities. There was just her, alone in the big city. Tomorrow would be her first day of college at NYU. Her parents had come up from Tennessee to help her settle in. They stayed for over a week, and then there were hugs and goodbyes. The big kind of goodbyes. The kind that don't double as a "see you later." Her mother was apprehensive to let her little girl run off alone to the big city. Her father wasn't. He knew she could do it. For it was from his bones that she was tailored. And his independent spirit was contagious in her veins. She would one day be some man's nightmare...her mother thought. But for dad there'd never be a boy good enough, to hold his little girls hand. Though there would. And she would find him.
She wore an Ed Hardy t-shirt underneath her peacoat, the first time she went to the grocery store alone. She was quite the walking contradiction. A mixture of new city styles and back-home influences manifested in her new found wardrobe. Two weeks into school she'd quickly picked out who she didn't want to be like. Still searching for someone that she did. Something about the endless grey buildings washed her old image clean, and left a blank canvas for the spirit of the city to paint. It was a lonesome feeling. But it held so much potential. It was a new beginning that she was in search of, and it was a new beginning that she'd find. A young woman, set out to make it in the big metropolis, had begun a journey that would lead her down unimaginable roads. And they were good.


to be continued.

Coffee's back

Well folks, I had to put some coffee on...

2010 flew by at light speed. The whole year felt like an all-nighter cram session on life. rather than a test. The test of life maybe...who knows. I've decided that 2011 would be a good year to put to use everything I learned from 2010.

I'm making an attempt to enter back into words. back into intricacy. back into love with every day. And instead of writing a synopsis of the whole year past, I think I'm just going to sit here. drink coffee. lots of creamer. and write a poem.

....well I tried, and couldn't do it. Poem-less, if you will. So instead of being the artist, today I'll settle for being the printer. Here's a beautiful piece by a lady who inspires me, Meg Fee...

sometimes she could feel it coming towards here before she ever saw it.
she would feel the rattle in her bones, look up and watch it approach.
a swift sweep across the horizon. a runaway train.
coming for her.
and she was helpless.
simply had to stand there and await its impact.
such was attraction.
most of the time she could ferret it out before it overwhelmed her.
she learned to read the signs.
dark curls of the hair. mischievous sidelong-glances. brooding dispositions. a kindred sadness. long eyelashes and deep-set eyes. strong hands and broad shoulders.

but this. this was altogether something new. different.
this had caught her totally by surprise.
she turned around one day and there it was.

he was good.
it was his goodness.
palpable. quietly radiating.
simple and pure.
and she wanted to touch it.
she wanted to reach out.
place palm against chest and feel it.
to know it with her fingertips.

but she knew.
wherever--however the attraction began.
despite pure intentions and good beginnings it carried in it the seeds of great heartbreak.
and she had loved so often. outwardly. in so many directions at once.
been forced to patch her heart together with nothing but scraps of twine and discarded threads.
and so she couldn't imagine.
couldn't imagine how heartbreak was not the inevitable end.

so she closed her mouth. stopped talking. bent her head as he approached.
tried desperately to preserve what little she had.

and yet.
she wondered.
if he might show her.
an alternate ending.

// I saw this image in my mind, when I read Meg's blog //

Cookies

My Love,

Winter. As the snow falls I sit in my (new) upstairs New York style apartment. I sip tea that I made in response to mother nature's blessing (of the flu.) And I study. Not in between the covers of a book, mind you. But in between the covers of my life.

These polished wooden floors nearly beg to have furniture re-arranged on top of them, and a makeshift living room transformed into a makeshift dance floor. The most sappy, cliche, Christmas songs play in the background of the night. And as the couch and ottoman stand against the wall with their heads turned, a couple dances across the dining room, past the vase of cheap flowers he bought her, and into the kitchen.

Just because Lois Armstrong is soloing silent night now, doesn't mean that George Strait won't be next on the playlist. One dance will wear him out, because he probably has the flu, but it will be ok. The reason why it will be ok? Because he didn't buy the Christmas cookies on the stove, she made them. From scratch? No. But she made them nonetheless. And he likes that.

Because you see my friends, when all is said and done, cookies fresh out of the oven are far better than last years....that he bought at Walmart.

Dance. Love. Bake. and Listen.

Happy Holidays friends. enjoy the snow!

: )

Everything that's happened

Oh blog.

I last touched this place on September twenty-sixth, two thousand and ten. Today, december first, things are much different.

Change has once again fallen with the cold air. The world beneath my feet has begun once again to shift and sway. I was at a pretty bad point in my journey when I last wrote here. Though I didn't know it then, I indeed was.

I've found since then, that life, when viewed as a constant and everlasting series of trial and error, can become somewhat simpler than it previously was. A whole new series of broad subject within my life have rolled over and revealed their intricately complicated undersides. I feel that this has forced me to pay more attention to details. Study the details of schoolwork. Go to my job everyday, and work on the details. The broad picture is conquered. Love people again. Love their details. I've remembered why it is I love people. and why it is i want to help them, help themselves. It's been elegantly awesome.

Enough with the abstract talk.

I'm moving. yes. again. for the first time since July of this year.

and I;m excited. very very. I'm thrilled to be leaving this small, closet like, thing-place. I'm ready to be living in a house. Possibly even a home. I'm ready to come home to a yard. A living room. a desk. a chair. and a kitchen table. I need these things like I need water. Home. home. mmm it sounds so good. I'm so so so ready to be out of here and gone.

My studies are going well. Two As and a B would be the best case scenerio at this point in the game. (the game of this semester.) I believe things are about to become intensley more intricate, intensly more detailed, and much much more difficult. I will begin routine this Spring that not many would think of taking on. I feel though, that everything I have done and learned up to this point has prepared me for the challenges I will face. Challenges of time management. School and JOB mainainence. Things will be tough. undoubtedly. but I feel i'm ready. I've worked so hard to gain the ability to soak in information. It's almost now as if i can turn my ears on, sit, and wait to be filled like a sponge. It's a very very interesting form of physcological conditioning I suppose. That's what it feels like anyways. Like every proffessor cramming me with more than I can handle for 3 years now has caused me to adapt and develop an ability to keenly regurgitate knowledge.

So much has changed. and is still changing. It's amazing. I never fail to be surprised at the continued winds of pleasant change that are blowing though my life. and my soul.

God bless and keep you if you made it this far.

Kyle